Am I the only one who is apprehensive about saying: “I’m so happy” for fear that something unimaginable and dreadful will happen? No? Just me…figures.
I did something really scary recently. I released fear and expectations. I released the fear of the unknown. Fall 2011 I started to get anxious…biological ticking and all that jazz (and that’s even with me not being 100 percent about wanting kids of my own). I was also slightly depressed about how long it had been since I was in a meaningful, “reciprocal” relationship. I had been in “relationships…” bad ones, hurtful ones where I gave 150% and was satisfied with a 25% effort in return. I was giving each
boy man all kinds of second chances and benefit of the doubt. Ridiculous. Fortunately I woke up and got a clue. And as a result, I purged. I released the fear of being alone. I embraced the blessings that I do have—friends who love me unconditionally. Great men and women of faith who support me and always have my back…and will share their opinion (sometimes unsolicited) when they think I need to be made aware of something. Although, I walk through life with a spirit of expectancy (I expect good things, simply put); I’m making a conscious effort, when it comes to relationships, to stop planning ahead and just “enjoy” the moment. Our lives consist of millions of “moments.” Those moments are what make life special. Currently, I am enjoying the company of a friend. He makes me laugh. He gets me (well, he almost gets me, I don’t think he fully understands the extent of my Elmo obsession, but that’s a post for another day). Have we put a label on our relationship? Nope. Am I technically still single? Yep. Are we dating? Depends on your definition. What I do know is this…I like being in the moment. I like not having to wonder about the what if’s. I love knowing that for the first time in a very long time, our feelings are reciprocal. The give and take is equal. He cares about me just as much as I care about him. That feels really good.
So the point of today’s post? I’m happy. I have no idea what the future holds, but I’m happy…and that’s all that matters in this moment.