Courtship Needs To Make A Comeback

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Flowers, candy, cards and love notes have been replaced with text messages, DMs on Twitter, likes on IG  and Facetime chats.  I am in love with technology, but I am not in love with the fact that it is slowly killing courtship.  Most men these days only buy flowers on hallmark holidays and only because it is “expected.”  I must thank my girl Shameika of the MoFo Chronicles blog for bring us today’s topic.  Here’s what she posted on FB earlier today:

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I hope courtship isn’t gone forever, it really needs to make a comeback in a major way.  I’m just thankful that the mister understands the importance of romance and still holds my hand in public.  I pity those who don’t know what that is like.  I’d love to hear from the guys.  Do you all still court?  Do like buying your lady “just because” gifts and sending her flowers?  So do you think being romantic is appreciated in this age of technology first, personal interaction second?  Would love to hear thoughts.

Love is Truth

Last night I went to the India.Arie show in Charlotte.  It was such an amazing experience.  I don’t have words for the journey her music took me on last night, but I must say, the first thing I wanted to do was call my love and tell him I was thinking about him as soon as the show was over.  I love how music can amplify what you already feel.  This is one of my favorite India.Arie tunes and it pretty much sums up my love life and emotional state, particularly this line:

“…and if I am a reflection of him, then I must be fly cause his light it shines so bright…”

Happy Wednesday!

I’m Not Sorry

Yeah, yeah, yeah…I know I haven’t posted since June.  However, in my defense, I have been in the lab working on projects, traveling, launching campaigns, starting new ventures and more.  I haven’t neglected the blog on purpose—promise.

Lately, I’ve been in the process of distancing myself from all things negative (vibes, people,  and thoughts) because you become that which you surround yourself. I’m happy, and I want to keep it that way.  I am so blessed and highly favored, and I owe it to myself and those in my circle to celebrate that.  There is nothing wrong with allowing your light to shine brightly, especially if that light can help lead someone else to where they need to go.  God has given me talents that He expects me to use to make the world better and for the upliftment of His Kingdom.  My life is supposed to shine brightly because of the light of Christ that shines through from within.

There are those who will not thank you for your work.  There are those who will not appreciate your efforts.  There are those who will try to tear down what you have worked hard to build.  And that’s okay.  You can’t get caught up.  I had a realization recently about myself, I need to stop being apologetic for being me.  I’m unique, quirky, but I’m also fiercely loyal to the people in my life.  I stand by the motto, no matter what happens, I refuse to treat people how they treat me.  I will always try to take the high road, smile in the face of adversity, laugh at the randomness of my life whenever possible, and continue to not take myself too seriously.

I’m in a great place emotionally right now.  Love, Laughter and Light prevails.  God told me, don’t be sorry about being happy, being fabulous and yes, even being in the spotlight as long as I put Him first…Point taken Lord.

Side note, it’s October, which means it’s been two years since me and mister have been together as an official couple. Feels good.  Looking forward to more good times with the man who is not only my love but one of my best friends ever.  Enjoy my Friday musical collection, fitting don’t you think?

Why It Works…

Over and over again, one of my endless  cyber stalkers  casual acquaintances will ask how am I making my relationship “work”  with having us four jobs (you could argue six, but for the sake of argument we’ll keep it at four) and a good two-hour plane ride between me and the mister.  I’m always confused by this line of questioning because, for me, the answer is a no brainer–we want to make it work, so it does.

People tend to complicate matters that aren’t all that complicated.  When you love and care about someone, you make it work–especially when you are both adults who are comfortable in their own skins.  When communication (real communication, not smoke signals), honesty, and genuine trust is at the forefront, the pieces of the relationship puzzle always come together rather effortlessly…at least they do for us.

Feels good to be with someone who understands that love isn’t complicated, it’s the situations that people allow themselves to be placed in that are.  My relationship has a zero drama clause built-in, and we LOVE it that way.  I’m so thankful for my current situation.  I couldn’t ask for a better friend and partner.  Remember y’all, it’s about the little things, the small moments.  Make each day count. Live. Love. Laugh.

Until next time…

 

 

Date Weekend for A Cause!

Hello lovely people!  Guess what?  I’m back blogging ( I know, I know, I claim that I’m going to start posting on a regular basis all the time, but I promise, this time is different, lol)…I digress.

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Photography: C. Holliday, MUA: Greg Lawrence, Styling: Kyle Murray

Today’s post is dedicated to my awesome organization, The Red Pump Project and our annual “Rock The Red Pump” Campaign.  March 10th is National Women and Girls HIV/AIDS Awareness Day, and we at Red Pump always commemorate this day; after all, this is the core of what we do–raise awareness about the impact of HIV/AIDS on women and girls. We promote HIV prevention through education, and open dialogue about the issues that surround sexual and reproductive health.

So last month, the mister and I decided to celebrate Valentine’s Day a bit differently.  Instead of making it all about us, we decided to volunteer our resources to travel to DC and do the very first Red Pump DC photo shoot, organized by my lovely partner in crime, Red Pump Coordinator Brittani Menina.  I absolutely love the pics he captured of me and the girls…and since I love his work, I wanted to use his pic as my official #RockTheRedPump photo to commemorate the day.

I’m blessed to be involved with a man who supports and gives back, by any means necessary and is always willing to help.  This was one of the best date weekends ever!  Not only did I get the chance to spend quality time with my hun, but I was able to contribute to a cause I believe in.  What more could you ask for!

I’m Rock My Red Pumps Proudly, today and everyday.

Happy- Part Deux

Back in May I posted about my current dating/relationship status.  You can read all about it here.  I’m pleased to report that I am even happier than I was then. Life just keeps getting better and better–even in the face of adversity.  I’m seeing a man who really, really  gets me, something that I wasn’t expecting but am so incredibly blessed to have.  At this moment in time, I can honestly say, I have no complaints.  Ladies, good men are not hard to find, you just have to be open to the possibilites and let them pursue you.  Nothing worth having is easy. Anyway, I guess you can say that we are officially “going steady” (I’ve always wanted to use that phrase, so vintage!) and the journey so far has really great. 

I wont go into anymore detail because (a) I don’t kiss and tell and (b) some things are just meant to be private–i.e. relationships (that is, only if you want them to last). 

That’s it for now.  Until next time, enjoy some music.

 

Closing the Gap (Guest Post)

I’m not even going to apologize for my lack of posting…I’ve been so bad with updating (maybe that’s what happens when you are so focused on work, you forget to post about the fun stuff, lol.  Don’t judge me!).  Fortunately, Lilly Star, a dating and relationship blogger, is our guest blogger for the day.  Thank goodness for Lilly, or else y’all would still be waiting on a post from me.  Hope you enjoy.  Lilly is going to give us a few tips on keeping and maintaining a healthy long-distance relationship (Lawd knows I need to take notes, generally speaking my “specialness” doesn’t translate well via text and chat :::sorry Babe, I’m trying to do better:::).  As usual, comments are welcomed and appreciated!

Closing the Gap

Three Hints on How to Make Your Long Distance Relationship Work

Sometimes you fall in love with the exact right person at the exact wrong time. I have a friend who had been keeping himself out of the dating game for years. He’s an attractive, smart and funny guy but when it came time to make a decision on women he always opted to keep his distance. Then, as though struck by cupid’s arrow he meets a girl four days before she moves halfway across the country. Something about her intrigued him and now with almost no history they are trying to make a long distance relationship happen.

It’s not pragmatic, some might even call it foolish, but when it comes to matters of the heart, rational thinking has never been at the forefront. 

What my friend is beginning to realize is that to make a long-distance relationship you need to combine a tension-free existence with total and complete devotion. These might seem like competing ideologies, but to make it work from a distance you need to combine the two for a mixture that will leave your partner swooning. 

Treats, Treats, Treats

Groupon is saving relationships. You can gift your significant other a thoughtful present with the click of a button. Sign-up for their cities updates and when you see something they might enjoy on their own (massage) or something you can enjoy together (museum tickets) hit purchase and send it along. Imagine being in the middle of a normal day and getting an email that your loved one just bought you a 90-minute deep tissue massage? Glorious. 

Think Before You Text

Jealousy is a pretty natural component of long distance relationship. We all know that the ideal is to never be jealous but when your partner is at Happy Hour grabbing drinks with attractive coworkers there is a little antenna within us all that pops up and tells us to protect our position. Don’t. When you feel like you HAVE to say something you often shouldn’t. Patience is the key, and you’ll soon figure out the more space you give your partner to enjoy their tie with new friends, the more they’ll seek out your counsel. 

Leave ‘Em Floating

Great trip!  One of the oldest and most dependable separation techniques used in relationships is to get upset with each other right before the scheduled departure. It’s completely counterintuitive but we protect ourselves from heartache by creating anger. That anger shields out hearts a bit and makes the moments leading up to and following the goodbyes hurt a little less. Of course, it’s also the first thing we regret once we get a good night’s sleep under our head. Even if your partner is picking a fight, stay strong and listen to what they’re really saying. They’re probably just anxious about another few weeks not seeing you. 

About the Author: Lilly Star
The lead female voice at DatingWebsites.com, Lilly is a professional advice-giver with experiences in dating men of all types, including the good ones that got away. Her passions include white wine, purple peonies and relaxing on the chaise lounge with her dachshund Samantha. Lily’s work can be read on dating blogs for both men and women.

One of Those Moods

It’s  interesting (for lack of a better word) to know that someone you used to be in a relationship with truly feels like you are the one who got away. I know that if I even mouthed the words let’s give this another shot, I would get zero resistance. I don’t do reruns. But I do like the validation of knowing I wasn’t the crazy one after all:-).

Just reminiscing a bit today people. I can truly say the past is the past, and I am SO grateful to be standing in the spot I am in today. Thank you Jesus for Grace.

Happy

Am I the only one who is apprehensive about saying: “I’m so happy” for fear that something unimaginable and dreadful will happen?  No?  Just me…figures.

I did something really scary recently.  I released fear and expectations.  I released the fear of the unknown.  Fall 2011 I started to get anxious…biological ticking and all that jazz (and that’s even with me not being 100 percent about wanting kids of my own). I was also slightly depressed about how long it had been since I was in a meaningful, “reciprocal” relationship.  I had been in “relationships…” bad ones, hurtful ones where I gave 150% and was satisfied with a 25% effort in return.  I was giving each boy man all kinds of second chances and benefit of the doubt.  Ridiculous.  Fortunately I woke up and got a clue.  And as a result, I purged.  I released the fear of being alone.  I embraced the blessings that I do have—friends who love me unconditionally.  Great men and women of faith who support me and always have my back…and will share their opinion (sometimes unsolicited) when they think I need to be made aware of something.

Although, I walk through life with a spirit of expectancy (I expect good things, simply put); I’m making a conscious effort, when it comes to relationships, to stop planning ahead and just “enjoy” the moment.  Our lives consist of millions of “moments.” Those moments are what make life special.  Currently, I am enjoying the company of a friend.  He makes me laugh. He gets me (well, he almost gets me, I don’t think he fully understands the extent of my Elmo obsession, but that’s a post for another day). Have we put a label on our relationship?  Nope.  Am I technically still single? Yep.  Are we dating? Depends on your definition.  What I do know is this…I like being in the moment.  I like not having to wonder about the what if’s.  I love knowing that for the first time in a very long time, our feelings are reciprocal.  The give and take is equal.  He cares about me just as much as I care about him.  That feels really good.

So the point of today’s post? I’m happy.  I have no idea what the future holds, but I’m happy…and that’s all that matters in this moment.