Courtship Needs To Make A Comeback

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Flowers, candy, cards and love notes have been replaced with text messages, DMs on Twitter, likes on IG  and Facetime chats.  I am in love with technology, but I am not in love with the fact that it is slowly killing courtship.  Most men these days only buy flowers on hallmark holidays and only because it is “expected.”  I must thank my girl Shameika of the MoFo Chronicles blog for bring us today’s topic.  Here’s what she posted on FB earlier today:

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I hope courtship isn’t gone forever, it really needs to make a comeback in a major way.  I’m just thankful that the mister understands the importance of romance and still holds my hand in public.  I pity those who don’t know what that is like.  I’d love to hear from the guys.  Do you all still court?  Do like buying your lady “just because” gifts and sending her flowers?  So do you think being romantic is appreciated in this age of technology first, personal interaction second?  Would love to hear thoughts.

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Happy

Am I the only one who is apprehensive about saying: “I’m so happy” for fear that something unimaginable and dreadful will happen?  No?  Just me…figures.

I did something really scary recently.  I released fear and expectations.  I released the fear of the unknown.  Fall 2011 I started to get anxious…biological ticking and all that jazz (and that’s even with me not being 100 percent about wanting kids of my own). I was also slightly depressed about how long it had been since I was in a meaningful, “reciprocal” relationship.  I had been in “relationships…” bad ones, hurtful ones where I gave 150% and was satisfied with a 25% effort in return.  I was giving each boy man all kinds of second chances and benefit of the doubt.  Ridiculous.  Fortunately I woke up and got a clue.  And as a result, I purged.  I released the fear of being alone.  I embraced the blessings that I do have—friends who love me unconditionally.  Great men and women of faith who support me and always have my back…and will share their opinion (sometimes unsolicited) when they think I need to be made aware of something.

Although, I walk through life with a spirit of expectancy (I expect good things, simply put); I’m making a conscious effort, when it comes to relationships, to stop planning ahead and just “enjoy” the moment.  Our lives consist of millions of “moments.” Those moments are what make life special.  Currently, I am enjoying the company of a friend.  He makes me laugh. He gets me (well, he almost gets me, I don’t think he fully understands the extent of my Elmo obsession, but that’s a post for another day). Have we put a label on our relationship?  Nope.  Am I technically still single? Yep.  Are we dating? Depends on your definition.  What I do know is this…I like being in the moment.  I like not having to wonder about the what if’s.  I love knowing that for the first time in a very long time, our feelings are reciprocal.  The give and take is equal.  He cares about me just as much as I care about him.  That feels really good.

So the point of today’s post? I’m happy.  I have no idea what the future holds, but I’m happy…and that’s all that matters in this moment.

Attention Deficit: Stop. Look. Listen!

“If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay…”
— Oprah Winfrey

Ladies, I know you all have heard the above quote over and over again…but it is so true and right on point.  Today’s lesson is “stop, look, listen and react accordingly.”

We are nurturers.  We want to encourage and nurture relationships with the men we like, find attractive (physically, mentally and spiritually) and who we *think* could be good for us…and truly there’s nothing wrong with that; however, we sometimes make the mistake of projecting our own personal expectations on that of men who (for whatever reason) are not in the same space or on the same page with us. 

Have you experienced that euphoria of just getting to know someone you really like…he seems to get you…you get him.  There’s chemistry, mutual respect, lots of flirting.  You want to dig deeper, spend more time together, see what happens…BANG…road block suddenly appears, and you are like…what the heck just happened.

In an effort to explore this phenomenon, I’ve done an informal poll (no it’s not scientific, but close enough for my purposes).  I’ve discovered that when “he” senses that you like him, the man doesn’t think he needs to step up his game anymore…that he doesn’t even need to try.  So, this is the point in the “getting to know you” period where the “I was just thinking about you” calls and texts stop…this is where the late night phone calls and flirting sessions end….and (drum roll please) where the push to spend quality time with you all but disappears.  Ladies, if you find yourself being the one who is continually suggesting that you all hang out, that you all should talk or that you all need some quality time together…just STOP!  Simply stop, look around and listen to the quote above in your mind “If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay…”

It’s a truly simple concept.  If a man wants you (meaning wants to see you, talk to you, etc.) he will make it happen, regardless of how busy he is.  So ladies, let’s just stop…get out of the driver’s seat and let the men pursue us.  That way, we won’t need to second guess…AND most of all, we will get the attention we seek and crave. 

I would love to hear your thoughts on this one. Fellas, you are welcome to reply.

*photo courtesy of http://www.jessewilliamsonline.com/photos.php

Play Me A New Song Please…

Top 5 Reasons Why I Really Hate Dating Musicians

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5) Immature
They are so used to living their dream sometimes that the realities of life are a bit much. They are still staying up all night, sleeping all day, and waiting for that perfect gig to just fall in their lap.

4) Groupies
Even if the artist/musician/rapper (fill in the blank) is not attractive by societal standards, just by the mere fact that they are in a band, play an instrument or know how to rap, that makes them mad attractive to those I would classify as professional groupies…these women are relentless. While there is no real reason to be jealous of these women, one should still be careful…musicians and groupies operate in symbiotic relationships; it’s almost parasitic and it is always gross.

3) Instability
They are here today and gone tomorrow. Making plans with a music artists is a shot in the dark, your date will also get displaced by a gig, meeting or otherwise “once in a lifetime” opportunity. AND they will always blame you, saying “you never told me we had plans.” Yeah, okay.

2) Arrogant & Self Absorbed
It’s one thing to be confident, in the entertainment business it is a necessary evil sometimes. However, there is a distinct difference between having total and complete belief in your abilities and being an arrogant A@#. Confidence is attractive, arrogance turns my stomach. It’s not cute, it’s downright annoying. In addition, artists also tend to be completely and utterly self-absorbed (this also extends to visual artists, photographers and promoters). Being self absorbed makes trying to make a relationship with that person a complete disaster. Because of the self involvement they are unaware of your needs …and they are always shocked and surprised when you get upset about something. As if to say, “why in the world would someone be angry with me, I never do anything wrong.” Uh huh…This is the reason why Groupies make the perfect girlfriends for these types…they have low emotional expectations and they have no problem listening to you talk incessantly about yourself for hours on end…yawn.

1) They’re Sexy
So you may be thinking, how is this a con? Well, because they are charismatic and generally very, very sexually appealing, we tend to forget all of the other shortcomings and we get sucked in…It’s a circular, deadly phenomenal. So take heed, next time that sexy musician wants to take you out on a date, remember my words of caution, and find someone else to tickle your fancy.