Buddy or Just Friends?

It’s the age-old question, can men and women be “friends?” In order to answer that question, it is important to accurately define friendship between members of the opposite sex. 

Friend: one attached to another by affection or esteem (Webster)

For me, the same things that are attractive to me in a romantic sense are the same things that make me want to spend time with my platonic males friends–minus one important factor: I don’t desire them sexually. That’s not to say that I don’t find my boys attractive ( I roll with some cute dudes) but I’m not interested in them in that way.  There’s also the ambigious “Friends w/Benefits” (also known as “Buddies”) category.  Those are the friends who you are interested in sexually, but you don’t want to pursue anything deeper past friendly activities and sex.  I don’t believe in having Buddies; those are often messy situations.  No matter how clear you are in the beginning about boundaries and intentions, the message always gets twisted, one person catches feelings and the whole thing blows up.  My advice–avoid at all cost. It’s not healthy for you physically, emotionally or spiritually. 

Example A- Buddy

Example B-Just Friends

Okay so back to the friend thing.  Why do you think it’s so hard for men and women to be friends?  Is it because people just don’t understand what true friendship is?  I’m curious to hear your thoughts?  If you are in Charlotte on March 19th, Join us for the Barbershop and Beauty Salon Confessions: Relationship Chat & Chews, this will be one of our topics.


The Intro MatchMakers: Something New For The QC

New Matchmaking and Personal Concierge Service

Makes Life and Love Easier for Charlotte-Area Executives

The Intro MatchMakers Officially Opens for Business in the Queen City June 24

Charlotte, NC—June 10, 2011—The Intro Matchmakers was created with a simple goal in mind—to make the lives of busy professionals easier both personally and professionally.  The Intro provides personalized and private matchmaking and concierge services to the city’s most elite executives.  The Intro will celebrate its official launch in the Queen City with an intimate, private invite-only reception in Uptown Charlotte the evening of June 24. 

The Intro is a personal matchmaking and concierge firm bringing together love and elite lifestyle services to career-focused professionals, executives and professional athletes. The company offers exclusive memberships to only the most accomplished individuals seeking a happy and healthy relationship with someone special. The Intro’s confidential one-on-one approach allows for privacy and discretion in that search for companionship and love. Their clients have high standards, and with the help of The Intro MatchMakers, they are able to connect with high-caliber prospective partners.  It’s not about just meeting people; The Intro helps their clientele meet the right people.  

The Intro MatchMakers is about convenience, exclusivity and luxury.  Whether you are a busy executive looking for love or a reliable concierge service to help maintain your lifestyle, the dedicated and experienced staff of The Intro will be an invaluable resource. In addition to Charlotte, The Intro also services the greater metropolitan areas of Atlanta, Miami and Washington, DC. To learn more about what The Intro offers, please visit www.intromatchmakers.com or call 800-661-1514 to schedule a consultation.

 To celebrate the official launch, a handpicked and select group of Charlotte’s elite are invited to a private reception where they will learn about the company and be personally introduced to The Intro co-owners Yolanda Hayes and LaPhaedra Howard.  The guest list is invite-only for this event. There will be events open to the general public in the future. For media inquiries or interview requests, contact Jameka Whitten at 704.261.5290 or Jameka@jswmediagroup.com.

So what?

Yes.  Dating in Charlotte sucks.  There is no other way to sugar coat it.  It just sucks beyond belief; identifying and subsequently spending time with actual “eligible and AVAILABLE” men in Charlotte proves to be, at least most of the time, a Herculean task.

The truth is I’m tired of hearing myself complain about it.  I’m literally sick of the sound of my own voice when it comes to discussing the lackluster dating scene in the Queen City…so, you ask, what is my solution: “So What.”  My solution is to suck it up and deal with the situation as it is until I (a) move, or (b) move. 

So, ladies, if you are dealing with a similar scenario, just throw up your hands and say “So What.”  It frees you in so many ways…

So what if he doesn’t like you…he’s not the one.

So what if you didn’t get that call…he wasn’t worth your time

So what if you didn’t get married by the time you were 25…you weren’t ready yet

And the “So What “ list goes on.  

I mean, really, So What.  There are far deeper issues in the universal aside from if I have a date on Saturday night. 

There are so many things that I am grateful for, that I am taking today to say “So What” to the things I can’t change.  Agree with me or not, I just don’t have the energy or inclination to complain anymore.  I’d rather spend my time working on “me” so that when God sends that special fella, I’ll be ready mind, body and soul.

Be An Original-Shake Your Thang!

I’m different.  I’m not a cookie-cutter woman.  I’m an interesting dichotomy–unbelievable emotional strength (I am surprised by little) with a tender sensitivity that screams: “Protect me!”.  I am a romantic, who loves the knight in shining armor, but who is equally comfortably slaying my own dragon if/when the need arises. 

I’m quirky, fiercely loyal to everyone in my circle…my entourage is tight, know and understand this:-). For lack of a better word, I am a Renaissance woman.  I am who I am.  Appreciate it, or get to stepping…but please, let’s not waste each other’s time…

Hope you all enjoy My Monday Anthem:

Playing Matchmaker…Maybe so!

So, a very good girlfriend of mine and I have both been in the midst of some tumultuous affairs of the heart as of late.  So in an effort to have some fun and start fresh, we have pledged to play matchmaker for each other.  Sound crazy?  Probably, but I’m game for it.  Listen, it makes sense: we sometimes don’t know what is best for us, while our close friends know exactly what we need (and vice versa).  This little social experiment can’t hurt, especially if I am able to get a few good blogs posts out of the deal (anything that will force me to update on a regular basis can be all bad, right?). 

To kick things off, we are each going to make a list of “deal breakers.”  For example, I CAN’T date him if he is under 5’10 (and that’s being generous…I know, I know, you don’t grow as a person by limiting yourself, but c’mon–I’m 5’9 flat footed and I rarely leave the house w/o 4 inch heels on.  So, give a sista a break).  I am going to be very liberal when it comes to race, ethnicity and cultural background (I may even temporary lift my unofficial ban of West Indian men.  However, the ban on men from Nigeria and Ghana remains (I’m referring to 1st Generation only), I don’t care  how fine they may be–yeah, yeah, yeah, let the hate mail begin but IT IS WHAT IT IS.Anyway. 

Wish me luck.  This should be a very interesting experiment.